If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
