You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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