there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
