Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
