the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just pee around me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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