i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
