soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
