Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
