Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
