Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
