went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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