You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
