He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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