He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
