if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
