I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
