hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
