vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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