Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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