I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
