I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
