I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
