my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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