So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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