she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
