he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
