I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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