trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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