No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
