I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
