my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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