I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
