now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
