I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
