No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
