goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
