covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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