I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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