WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
