Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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