I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
