At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
