so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
