Why are handjobs necessary in class?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
