Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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