ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
