My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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