oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
