please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
