I got chris browned last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
